Barsexuality is the new black.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
