If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
