Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
