Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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