Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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