If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
