what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
