the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
