i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's like iHOP with fire
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
