You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
