Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
