Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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