I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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