About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
accomplished twins. life is a go
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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