My hand turned me down
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize