Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
