And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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