oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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