Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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