what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The power of my boobs compel you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
