i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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