I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize