the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
