Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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