you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
