we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize