yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
