even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
