Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
