Ketchup is God's man juice
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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