today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
