Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
