When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
