He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
