no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is Oprah even human
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
