Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
