Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need water and some morals
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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