just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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