You made me cry and you don't even care
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize