Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize