you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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