Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
