Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
