how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
