Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
