Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
