dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize