ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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