Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
