i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alive.
So much puke
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
