And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
