i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
