i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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