I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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