You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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