im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
