my mouth tastes like poor choices
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
