I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
