This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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