i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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