i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
