Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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