if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize