i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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