You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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