That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
