Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
