Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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