Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
porn star boner night. come get it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we're so committed to being not committed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
