There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
