every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
