True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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