paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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