mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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