I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
