I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
