I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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