I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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