It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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