he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
