but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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