At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
