Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
