Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fill condoms, not promises.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
