so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
