we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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