Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
