Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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